When disability is not an excuse and how I try to hide my concerns

My whole life is a denial of my disablities. The lack of having normal functions is covered up since I was a child. My mother did all possible for a disability not to be noticable and she accomplished it. 

Life was without running and playing the games like baseball while in Assumption Convent in Herran. During physical education class, I would have to sit out and watch. I was given a chance to go play baseball once, and hit the ball to get to the first base. I never made it to the second base as the weights from the steel brace of my specially-made Gregg shoes made me walk slow. My left leg is shorter than the other, and so these correctional shoes were the solution. 

Being pigeon-toed, I had to take ballet classes at the Cultural Center of the Philippines. I watch as the other girls twirled and danced. I wanted to but it was very difficult. I remember the leg stretched and how our teacher would pull my leg to coax it, and how I would be sitting down at the furthest end of the class, as I got special attention. 

The care that Mom gave to include my having to walk around the house with a book on my head for me to have poise and balance did work. Most people are not aware that I am qualified to be an ortho PWD and I don't want it, as I do not like to be pitied. 

Yet, the years have taken its toll. I walk slow and though I can run and walk very far, my feet do suffer. It is not easy but I deny it. I move like others, walk as fast as others, and then it is forgotten as others do complain about how slow I sometimes walk. I do get left behind. 

At times, I feel sad about my leg, and now, take a deep breath. Today, I thank God for the resources. I do feel depleted as my resources do get used by others, and hey... my disabilty is not a pretty picture for me to paint.

We all have to deal with the image that a person projects. Some say they are strong and are there for you in more ways than on. Some paint a picture and you become part of a dream. I cannot function on illusions, and I am pegged to the reality that no one else really sees, as hampered by my disabilites of having a shorter leg, being partially deaf, and having carpal tunnel syndrome that makes me have difficulty holding things. 

Carpal tunnel syndrome... too long to write about right now as I struggle for resources. But, in short, when my arm is in pain, it shoots up to the shoulder, and I do suffer. Dropping things like plates, a ballpen or what I hold is so understood by my dog, who runs away to avoid being near me when I carry things. 

My left ear is partially deaf. I have to put the phone to my right ear. I am used to it but then, it has no real solution except just to live with it. 

Just live with it. It is not an excuse as there is pain, tiredness, and a few other things. I just have to live with it and continue to try to hide what hampers me from doing things that physically normal people do.